Insight

I’ve realized some things this night, things about myself, my priorities and how I want to live my life.
The thing is, the road there are long, and there might be some things that I’ve seen as a must that must be sacrificed to achieve what I want. Who I want.

To be honest, I don’t really care what y’all think about me. What’s important for me is the ones I love, and I mean really love, those I’d do anything to help. They are a major reason for struggling with many things, as I want to be able, if needed, to help them in anyway. I always try to help, but as I’m nothing but just a mortal little man, there are many things beyond my understanding, beyond my abilities and/or capabilities. With a better work and life situation I can focus more on the things I don’t understand, learn things about it, and by doing that I might be able to help them with similar things later on.

Not to sound like something to look up to or anything like that, just pure simple fact. If you treat me well, you could’ve got a friend that you really can count on, talk with and share some nice time with. I give everyone a chance, often a second or third chance too.

That kind a sum up my “way of life”. Now to something more serious.

Who I want. For those close to me, there’s no question about it. Even thou I’ve tried to get that girl out of my head and heart. Even thou I know that the “best” thing is to leave her behind and move on. But the “best” part is what bugs me. In my opinion, I don’t think it would be best for either her or me. That’s a bit selfish to say, but I feel deep in me that I shouldn’t leave her behind, no matter what. She scared the shit out of me today, about 1 hour ago. She told me she’ll move quite a bit after school, and when I read those words I felt how I was about to cry, seriously. There’s like 1½ year until she’s finished with school, but just to imagine her somewhere where I can’t see her, it’s awful.

For those who doesn’t know about her and my history, we got together and had a really good 3 months, then I got dumped, swiped off my feet, but I rose again with a strength I got from the certainty that she’d come back to me, which she did about 3 weeks later, but not for long. About a week later she dumped me, again. I told her that I didn’t want to hear from her. A wise thing I think. If I hadn’t really tried to forget her this time, I think she wouldn’t have texted me. Anyway… There’s no one that can make me forget her, not really. She’s the one I’d like to share everything with. The one I always want to be available to.

I’ve tried to find someone else, in my age you kind a start looking the day after, but whoever I talk to, even if I want to, I can’t get her out of my mind. She’s there. With both my mind and heart telling me that I should wait for her, what should or could I do?

What would you’ve done, and don’t you tell me that you’d meet someone else. I don’t think you’d do that when your whole you tells you not to.

Regards: