NEW BLOG !!!

All new materials is now posted on the new blog at: http://blog.izaacj.co.cc/


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Regards:

New blog !!!

I'm going to setup a new blog at http://blog.IzaacJ.co.cc/ later today... Probably it'll be a WordPress blog as I'm not so in to their theming system so it would be a smart idea to learn it.

I'll need something to do to keep my mind of some particular things... Well, won't be so active anywhere today I think, neither Facebook, Skype or MSN... maybe a little more active on Twitter...

Well... I love you, more that anything and more than you could imagine... I hope you know I'll always be here for you... <3


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Location:Nässjö, Sweden

Regards:

...

I seriously don't know what to do... The feelings I have for you are totally indescribable... No matter what I try to focus on, you invade those thoughts each and every time.

No matter how many times I try not to think about you I still do precisely that. Thinking of your lips against mine, your hands moving around on my body, your head on my chest while hearing your calming breathing during the nights... This are the things I think of... It's no good, it's killing me...

"Without you I'm nothing"


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Regards:

Today... Again...

This is weird... I'm laying here in my bed with the girl of my life, the love of my life and what am I about to do, well, cry... :( She ain't mine, she'll move away after school is out and then I won't know what to do...

She's like everything I ever wanted when it comes to a girl. She's perfect in my eyes... Damn...
I love her too much for my own good I think... :'(


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Regards:

Today

On the train to school :) Talking to Tess. Thinking about how this day will be... 2 classes, lunch, after which I'll spend some time in the gym. And when I get home I'll meet Emelie and spend some time with her :) Nice.
I dunno what to do, because I know that she can't have a relationship right now... But, oh, how I wish she could've been mine again, only mine :)

As I told her, my way towards her won't change, my feelings for her won't change and I'll always be there for her if she needs me.
This is a girl that's worth well, about everything I can think of. And no matter what I do, I can't get her out of my mind, even if I want to ;) I really love this sweet girl.


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Regards:

w00t !?

A totally random misc pic I took a few minutes ago. Just felt for pushing the trigger...
To be honest I'm quite a bit confused right now...
The dearest person I know makes my mind go nuts... I've understood that she can't stand a relationship right now, but sometimes it feels like that's what she want... And if that's so, there's no one to really replace her by side. She's irreplaceable without doubt.

Almost falling asleep, just one thing missing and that's my arm around her when she have her head on my chest sleeping like the beauty she is. Good ol' times... Times I wish to return, return and stay until the end of what we call our lives.

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Regards:

Insight

I’ve realized some things this night, things about myself, my priorities and how I want to live my life.
The thing is, the road there are long, and there might be some things that I’ve seen as a must that must be sacrificed to achieve what I want. Who I want.

To be honest, I don’t really care what y’all think about me. What’s important for me is the ones I love, and I mean really love, those I’d do anything to help. They are a major reason for struggling with many things, as I want to be able, if needed, to help them in anyway. I always try to help, but as I’m nothing but just a mortal little man, there are many things beyond my understanding, beyond my abilities and/or capabilities. With a better work and life situation I can focus more on the things I don’t understand, learn things about it, and by doing that I might be able to help them with similar things later on.

Not to sound like something to look up to or anything like that, just pure simple fact. If you treat me well, you could’ve got a friend that you really can count on, talk with and share some nice time with. I give everyone a chance, often a second or third chance too.

That kind a sum up my “way of life”. Now to something more serious.

Who I want. For those close to me, there’s no question about it. Even thou I’ve tried to get that girl out of my head and heart. Even thou I know that the “best” thing is to leave her behind and move on. But the “best” part is what bugs me. In my opinion, I don’t think it would be best for either her or me. That’s a bit selfish to say, but I feel deep in me that I shouldn’t leave her behind, no matter what. She scared the shit out of me today, about 1 hour ago. She told me she’ll move quite a bit after school, and when I read those words I felt how I was about to cry, seriously. There’s like 1½ year until she’s finished with school, but just to imagine her somewhere where I can’t see her, it’s awful.

For those who doesn’t know about her and my history, we got together and had a really good 3 months, then I got dumped, swiped off my feet, but I rose again with a strength I got from the certainty that she’d come back to me, which she did about 3 weeks later, but not for long. About a week later she dumped me, again. I told her that I didn’t want to hear from her. A wise thing I think. If I hadn’t really tried to forget her this time, I think she wouldn’t have texted me. Anyway… There’s no one that can make me forget her, not really. She’s the one I’d like to share everything with. The one I always want to be available to.

I’ve tried to find someone else, in my age you kind a start looking the day after, but whoever I talk to, even if I want to, I can’t get her out of my mind. She’s there. With both my mind and heart telling me that I should wait for her, what should or could I do?

What would you’ve done, and don’t you tell me that you’d meet someone else. I don’t think you’d do that when your whole you tells you not to.

Regards:

Yeah yeah...

Once again you're doing this to me... I want to ignore it, but I cant... "/

Well, watching Underworld 2 and am trying to sleep...

Kiss 'n' goodbye<3

Location:Stallgatan,Nässjö,Sverige

Regards:

Today

At the moment I'm in the kitchen making me some sandwiches. Which btw just got finished in the microwave oven. So I'll eat now and continue to type this in a sec.

(eating sandwiches)

Done eating now... Laying in my bed with just one thing crossing my mind, the name of one specific person that I for some reason can't live without. She lightens my days and brings so much joy and happiness into my otherwise gray and dull life. In my eyes she's really a fallen angel, not just because I love her, because she's made me into a much greater and better person. I've gotten healthier, nicer and I put more guts into sorting my life out and the problems involved. I've even gotten more hygienic xD She's an angel, just accept it. And no matter what I'll love her until the day I stop breathing. There is something special about her that makes me feel that she's really the one for me. I can't explain it, but I can really feel it.
Well... Shouldn't type so much more, just a small poem or whatever you'd call it, and it's for my dear Emelie <3

I've never fallen this deep and hard,
Many times I've thought so,
But I realize those times has just been scratching the surface.
This pond, this lake, filled with chances,
Which there is only one I'd like to catch.
That chance is a girl, for which I've fallen this deep and hard.
I start to tremble by her beauty,
Those eyes in which I can see a future,
And in her, only her, I can see myself as a father,
The thing I've never thought I'd long for, but I now do.
And what is love if it isn't the possibility to see a bright and clear future with that person?
If that ain't love, then love ain't what I seek.

Regards:

The last days...

The last few days have been wonderful!
Don't know what I wrote last time and I can't check as my Internet is down ATM. And this will be posted as soon as I get to school tomorrow.

Anyhow, I got together with my dear Emelie again :D Best thing that has happened to me as I really do love her! So no more single life for me ;)

And during the Friday, I was at a private band party, which I'm glad that I visited. A guy in one of the bands wanted to hear my inhale scream and guess what, he friggin' liked it :D AWESOME !!!

Yesterday, Saturday, I spent with a few friends until my girl arrived :P Then spent the rest of the day with her :) Totally awesome ! And today, sunday, I've spent mostly with Emelie, but later on we met Ewwe and Case :) Had a nice time with them down at the lake :)

Now I've watched Ghost in the Shell, weird anime but kinda cool :)

Well, got to sleep now as I'm going up early, in about 8 hours.

Kisses to Emelie<3, Ewwe, Case, Speedy, Sandy, Bergarn, Becca, Bexx, Tobbe and those who think they deserve it ;)

Regards:

Today…

Was a really good day in school. The anxious feeling went away today. About first thing this morning was that Linus in my class, who was walking a bit in front of me from the train, stopped and started to talk to me :P And then when we came to class he, Timmy and the foreigner, whose name I’ve forgotten kept each other company most of the day :) Really nice dudes :) I even felt comfortable enough to talk in class with the whole class listening :O SURPRICE OR WHAT !? I think this could go really well :)

And after school I got company by two girls, don’t really remember their names (bad with names) and we talked a bit until the train got to Jönköping :P And you want to know one thing? I started to talk to one of them first :O I asked Josefin (I think it was her name) if she knew if there was any train going to Jönköping as I’d seen her on the train the same morning. And I found out that there was a train going that had me home about an hour earlier than I thought :D AWESOME !!!

And some news about this with Emelie… We had an argue earlier today but it’s been sorted out kinda. And at the moment we’re discussing how to make a second try. And to be honest, I think it could actually be a bit better than our first try… I honesty think so, so I really hope that there’ll be a second try. *a while later* Sorry for the interruption, but… I got a text from her with just a few words that got me crying… Tears of joy. She told me she missed to have me beside her, holding her… And if there is anything I want to do, that’s it ! I’m so happy right now that I could run outside and scream all I can… That happy !

I feel a good ending coming up on this story, this story of my life…!

Regards:

Good Night People !

Hello all you readers ;)

Feeling quite okey at the moment. Been texting with Emelie today, and it seems like it will all work out good. At least that's what I hope, but I won’t put my hopes up high. She’s a bit uncertain of how she is feeling I guess. And to be honest, I’m a bit uncertain of how to do if she want us to get back together. I’ve had a policy that I’d never get back with an ex, but for the third time in my life, I’m actually a bit prepared to do it. But I don’t know for sure yet. I mean, how could it ever get back to what we had? How could it ever be the same? Even thou I feel for her like I felt before, how can I be sure she doesn’t just want to get back together to avoid being alone, if that’s even possible with that look and personality, but anyway. I doubt it could be the same but I really want that back, the chemistry we had, the time we shared. It was something truly extraordinaire if you ask me. I think that I’ll be taking the risk of being hurt again just to make sure I won’t miss a chance to get that back. But we’ll see. We’re supposed to meet tomorrow and talk about it. Let’s see how that goes.

Began school yesterday, awesome! But I feel a bit nervous about the fact that I don’t know a soul there. And to be honest I’m actually beginning to think I have some social problem. If no one’s starting to talk with me, I can’t talk. I don’t dare to initiate a conversation if I’m all alone. I need my friends around… I hate that. I want to be able to take initiative, to make connections all by myself… That’s going to be the topic of the next session with my psychologist. Definitively! Oh, and you’re so welcome to call me a coward or anything like that, but I can’t do anything about it. I’ve been pushed away from so many people I’ve tried to connect with during the years that I’ve become afraid of taking the first step…

Stayed home today because of two reasons mainly, I overslept and I had to try to get some money for my bus card so I could get there AND home. Managed to borrow 200:- of my mother tonight. That’s good :)

Now I’m going to sleep so I can get up in the morning. About 6 hours left until I have to wake up.

Love and kisses to those who matter to me, I sure hope you do know who you are ! If you’re not, then here I’ll list most of you!
Ewwe, Speedy, Sandy, Natta, Becca, Bexx, Bergarn, Hassna, Emelie, Henke, Sabrina, Annelie, Jennifer (sis), Jessie (sis), and of course my mother :)

Regards:

Hello hello !

A few hours after the last post, Emelie dumped me. So now I’’m on the Swedish Meatmarket again (A) ;)

Since then I’ve been drinking, partying and drinking more ;)

At the moment I’m watching 3 of my mothers dogs, and Ewwe and Natta is here :) Ewwe is checking out some sites and I’m currently typing this :D Natta is sleeping in the sofa ;) Cute :D

Tonight I’ll probably watch a film with Natta and just chill. Ewwe is going home in a few hours :( Thats bad :(

Well, during this time, I’ve come to know a few nice people :) Sandra (Sandy in the bloglist to the right), Karro, Jonna, Luullie and Natta :) Well, I’ve knew who she was since a while back, but never really spoken with her, sadly, but that’s about to be made up for :D

Now I’ve got to be a little bit more social with Ewwe :) And I’m acctually longing for Natta to wake up (A) TeeHee :)
Oh, and Ewwe will probably do a guest appearence here soon (A)

Regards:

Regrets...

I totally regret the mistake I did today...
I wasn't angry or annoyed, I was sad, that's all. And now, even thou you tell me it's okey, I can't find anyway to make it up to you... I hope you know how sorry I am for making you believe that I was angry or annoyed... I don't even know how to become angry at you, just love you to god damn much <3 I hope you'll forgive me and allow me to make it up to you!
I really do love you, you know! <3<3<3

Regards:

Fuck this...

If I don't get a new medication soon I'll get crazier than I already am...
Can't stan this... I can feel the difference so clear. And I don't want to be like this.

I'm going to sleep now, and I'll sleep until I feel better...

Regards:

Jerk...

Sorry... I've been a total jerk to doubt that you love me... I'm really sorry honey<3
Just that that is one of the things that scare me the most, you leaving me... It would kill me inside-out...

I hope that you know my dear, that I want to spend the coming years with you, no one else... Just you ! And if I ever change my mind I promise to let you know, trust me on that one!

Love you Emelie, more than you could ever imagine <3

Regards:

Anata no naka ni, watashi o korosu ushinau

At the moment I wish I was someone totally different...
My mind and temper is messing me up, awfully much...

I doubt what I know and what I can do. I doubt in myself.
But I know that much of it is because all effects of my medication has whored off.
I'm back to the short-tempered, stupid and annoyed person which has a serious problem with trusting people. And even thou I know it's just because of it, I can't ignore it or anything...

Well, a doc is going to call me today and we'll discuss a new medication, probably Concerta or Ritalin.

Well fuck this now...

Honey... Anata no naka ni, watashi o korosu ushinau <3

Regards:

Not good...

Now I've spent almost 2 hours out in the rain... Thinking. Trying not to worry... But how can I not worry. You're not feeling good, not at all, and you don't want to tell me. Of course I worry. I love you.
Don't know what I should do, but at least I want to do something. Something to make you feel better. Told you you should have stayed here and not to go home, because if you would have stayed I would've hold you tight the whole night, telling you how much I love you an how much I care.

I hope you really do know that it doesn't matter what it's about, you still can talk to me, I'll listen, I'll always do.

Emelie Eng, I love you so much there is no way for me to describe it to you. I really do. There are things with you that I value more than anything, things with us. There are thoughts you've given me, and I'm so glad that someone has been able to give me those thought as I've never been able to imagine me do anything of it. Never thought I would either. But I really want to do these things with you, you, you and only you!

Regards:

Thoughts

This is scary. I'm not the guy that like cries or so, but thinking of how it would be if I lost Emelie somehow, that kills me. I can't imagine how I would spend my days and definitively how I would be able to sleep, since these 5 days she's been away have left me sleepless...

Now she lays here right beside me and I can relax, feels so good. If I hadn't had my weird ear and somehow regained energy I would've slept hours ago.
Time for a cigarette and something to drink, maybe a few TapTap's too (A)

Regards:

IzaacJ.co.cc

Okey, so a new site (link) is under development. Contents will be game guides, photos, programming stuff, webdesign stuff and much more. And everything is going to be free to use as long as you put me in the credits for whatever you're using it in/for. And that's quite fair don't you think?

The site is hosted at 0000free with the basic package. And it's quite good. The .co.cc domain is free so I really recommend it if you need a free domain and host. Only thing is that it can take up to 24 hours until all of it is active. But took less than 8 hours for mine :)

Links to the host and domain services are here:
0000Free: http://www.0000free.com/
.co.cc domain: http://www.co.cc/

Regards:

Weird...

This is really weird, and bad... Seems like my medication for my AD/HD is giving me a really high pulse... Had 80 bpm after a couple of hours sleep... So I'm waiting for my doctor to call me so we can decide what to do about it.

Today I got my sketch of my soon-to-be-done tattoo back. Got a friend that does it cheaper, and I've seen other tattoos he's done. He just have to get back from Gothenburg first :) Then it might be done :) AWESOME :D

Right now, me and my honeypie is watching Blade 2 :) 1080i of course (A) and on a 42" FullHD LCD TV, just as it's supposed to be :D

Regards:

Design thing :P

Sorry for the ugly yellow thing on top of the page, but it's a design WIP.

It's supposed to be replaced with an half transparent png that are supposed to stay on top of the window even if you scroll up/down. And over all the content.

So just be patient, as it will disappear as soon as possible :P

Regards:

Awesome!!!

I dont understand this. I cant come up with one really good reason to why I should deserve a girl like her. But obviously I do. And Im really happy about that :)

Regards:

Honey<3

I'm at Honeys house :) its awesome to have her back in sweden again <3 been missing her alot :o

Regards:

:)

Hand in Hand

As we sit in the snow white sand,
And the waves crash upon the shore,
I stare to the sky trying to understand,
Why the stars seem brighter then ever before.


Is it because the sky is so clear,
That the stars are shining bright?
Or could it be that love is near,
On this perfect summer night?


We laugh, we kiss, we talk,
Draw pictures in the sand.
Along the ocean we walk,
Just her and I, Hand in Hand.


Our night is almost finished,
As the moon is fading fast,
Another day will be diminished,
Put with the others in the past.


Everything seems to melt away,
Faster then the drop of a dime,
As night dissolves to day,
We lose more precious time.


Surely soon the sun will rise,
As this is Gods command,
I know she can see the twinkle in my eyes,
As we walk Hand in Hand.

Regards:

Hmmm...

Even though I've really enjoyed the last two days I feel a bit down.
I miss my honey, to much.
My friend never sleeps home anymore, always at his mum's house (I think) so I'm almost alone all the evenings :(
Damn... Really wished my honey could come home right now. Want her here with me. Beside me.

Well well... Yesterday me, Ewwe, Felix, Bergarn and Bexx went swimming. Quite fun :)
Today me, Ewwe, Bergarn, Linus, Jennifer (my sister), Anton and Berra went swimming in Grimstorp. Very funny :) And when I, Ewwe and Bergarn came back to Nässjö we had a little barbeque :) Nice Nice :)

And now I'm all alone at home, laying in my bed and I think I'll watch "Percy Jackson and the Olympians - The Lightning Thief" as I have nothing else to do. Hopefully I can sleep this night.

And tomorrow I and Ewwe, maybe Bergarn too, are going to Jönköping to meet Speedy and Berra :) Fun as it's a while since I met Speedy last time. Really miss that girl. She's a friend that I sadly don't talk much with or see much, but there'll be changes in that I hope :)

Well well... Good night everyone. Hugs and kisses to my dear Emelie Eng <3

Regards:

Sob sob sob...

I really want my dear to come home from Norway ! I miss her so god damn much it aches. I still haven't been able to sleep. Took a shower about an hour ago and after that, I ate what I was supposed to have eaten yesterday for dinner. Just ate breakfast yesterday. Not good, not good at all but I've lost most of my hunger and apetite during the last few weeks.

Well well, watching Resident Evil, the first one, at the moment. So bye bye to you all !

Love and kisses to my dear Emelie Eng <3
You surely are the girl for me as I've never felt this bad without someone <3

Regards:

This night...

...I've stayed up. Haven't been able to sleep for some weird reason :( Hopfully I'll be able to sleep soon but I doubt it. Well well, I miss my dear Emelie more than anything. I get a strange feeling when I'm alone in bed... And I don't like it either.

Regards:

Mobile bloging :p

My first mobile blogpost :p

Regards:

New design :)

So, now I'm quite satisfied with the new design :)
Just one big problem at the moment, and that is the ShareThis buttons :(
They don't want to show up. Maybe I'll get it working later today. Hope so.

Regards:

Design and other stuff

Sorry for the weird design at the moment, but I'm working on it :P Hopefully I'll end up quite good and satisfied. It should be finished during the coming week as my dear Emelie is going to Norway with her family >_<''

Well, for all of you that doesn't know, I've turned 21. Weird that the past 5 years has gone so fast and the amount of events that has ocurred.

First off, I fled from Eskilstuna to my father that lived about 300 kilometers away. And I stayed there for about 10 months. After that his wife threw me out for prioritizing school and not family. Got my own apartment, which I had for about a year, then I got my first own apartment, which I had for about 2 month before I got evicted from it. Reason: everyone in the building except the guy underneath were 70+, and they couldn't stand my different appearence. That led to a lot of false complains. But after that one, I stayed a while at a house that belonged to a friend of my father, and then I found a nice aparment which I recently left to live in Nässjö. And since I moved in to town I've reconnected with lot of my old friends, which I'm more than happy to have.

I've also met someone rare. Someone that one of my best friends introduced me for. Thanks to Ewwe I met Emelie, my girlfriend. And after these two months (tomorrow) I can't honestly say that I've been with someone I've enjoyed this much. She's giving me a lot of support when it comes to certain things that I wouldn't have managed myself.

So, a BIG thanks to Ewwe and Emelie ! Without you two somethings in my life would have been a bigger mess than they currently are.

Well, I have to finish this soon as my beloved is sitting in her bed behind me waiting for me so we can watch some movie(s) :P So bye bye :)

Regards:

Time that has past...

...will never return so make the best of it!

Laying in my bed and wishing for a quicker clock >_<'' I just want to get away to my dear Emelie <3

Regards:

Programming :)

I’ve got into a programming freak mode xD
At the moment I’m working on a base for a SMS Messaging application that I want to replace PocketOutlook on the Windows Mobile platform.

Using Sense SDK by eboelzner @ XDA for the UI, but there is a few problems with it at the moment.

Here is a useless screenie of the Windows Mobile 6.5.3 VGA Emulator :P

Regards:

Yeah :)

Laying in my bed trying to sleep
There's one think that keeps me awake
That's you ruling my mind
Those sweet eyes I can drown in
The soft lips I could kiss til death
That neck that I love to bite
The hair I enjoy to play with
Your body that I love to touch!

Emelie Eng, if I could I would've been with you all the time you could stand.
Each of these lonely moments is killing me
All I want, all I need is to be with you <3
i'm totally in love with you <3<3<3

Regards:

Today :)

Today will be a nice day :)
Soon I'm going to meet my dear girl at her school and then we're probably heading home :) Going to make some nice food for her ;) And gladly she likes what I've planned :D

This morning has been spent on making icons for the apps on my iPod Touch, and some other small tweaks on the theme I'm working on. I'll post a screenshot later today if I remember it xD

Bye bye, and do remember, I belong to one girl, and her only ! My sweet Emelie <3

Regards:

Well, well...

After the show yesterday with Adept, I Love You Hate and Atmosfear I was kinda beaten up xD Was moshing as much as i Could xD Hurt My hand again thou, but not as near as last time.
At the moment I'm in bed trying to get me enough energy to get up, but I don't think I will get that until my sweetie comes.

Oh, and for those that I mostly meet IRL, sorry for being kinda lame for the next days/weeks/months, but I get periods where I just can't stand to be around people... There is a few exceptions thou, like family and some really really close friends...

Well, well.... Bye bye until next time, don't know when thou !

Emelie Eng, if there is someone that I'm willing to do almost anything for, it is you! I love you so god damn much <3<3<3

Regards:

Dunno xD

So, a new useless post :p
All I can think of is Emelie <3
So there is no real reason for me to post xD The only thing I can come up with is That I might get a "practical vocational training place" on Monday, and I'm going to take part in a short Movie about racism xD

Well well, I'm out, but don't forget, I belong to one person only, and that's Emelie <3 Love you <3

Regards:

Honey <3

Soon going away to My dear honey, again :P
Have spent a few hours with her at "Pinnen" :) But I can't spend too much time with her :)

Love you sweetie <3

Regards:

Yeah :)

Now, this is my first post made on my new iPod Touch 2G ! AWESOME !!!

Sitting at mums house, kinda nice but I really do miss my sweet honey <3

Well well, back to reconfigure FreeRSS Reader :P

Regards:

Yeah yeah xD

Nice day today :) Going to surprise honey with a few things today, and leave the tattoo sketch to Johan so he can practice doing it :P AWESOME !

And for those of you that didn’t know, YES I’ve found an awesome girl :D
All thanks to one of the best friends I have :D Ewwe :)

Well well, I’m out now! Going to Brinell.
Love you Emelie ♥

Regards:

Work

I am working today… Boring, but at least it’s something to do.

Longing to get home :O And I long to meet a specific person ;)
It would be awesome :D

Regards:

Weekend

This weekend has been awesome :)

Friday, don’t really remember what I did :O Just know I spent the night fri-sat at mum’s house.

Saturday, first me, mom and her fella went to a little piece of crap church for my sisters confirmation break-up. Extremely boring. 2 hours of collective brainwashing. Lucky me to be immune against the Christianity. If I have the energy I could post about how fake all of the major religions are, based on pure facts. And the source is highly respected.

And the Saturday night we were partying here :P Me, Sebba and Mia. Fun fun fun ! It meant Smirnoff, Jägermeister, Jack Daniel’s and a lot of beer :D After a few beers we went to Roger, Sebbas uncle :D We also met his father and his “date” xD After about 1½ hour there I can’t remember anything until we were to go home :P Was a bit drunk I assume (A)

Sunday, it’s been mostly sleeping or relaxing in the couch. Just a short trip to my old apartment and got a few things in here. Like an other couch, my two other 12” speakers, a chair and something more. Ewe and Anneli dragged along :P Fun :D

Now I’m going to sleep. Have a meeting with my attorney tomorrow xD Don’t remember the time but I think I have the note in the kitchen xD Well well, bye bye and sleep tight !

You know I’ve always felt like this about you, and even thou I know it can’t be you and I, I will try to be there for you as much as I can. You’re one of those people I just can’t live without. Remember that <3

Regards:

Sorry…

…for the time in between the posts but I’ll try to be a better “blogger” even thou there isn’t much to write about >_<’’ My life is kinda boring  actually xD

The only things I do is spending time on Facebook, Emocore, Bilddagboken, designing the software for the HTC Touch Diamond and listening to music xD Thats my everyday in short >_<’’

But I’ll try to be more active, maybe start to write down everything I have inside my twisted little head of mine ;) But then I might scare all you who actually do read my posts ;)

Well, now I’m heading back to msn and the ONE who’s keeping me company :)

ByeBye!

It’s so hard to be a Diamond in a Rhinestone world !
You' got my heart and it’s beating for a girl !

Regards:

It’s been a fucking while since last time…

And during that time a lot has happened and I won’t bring anything up here except that the suspicion of AD/HD has been confirmed, I “suffer” from it.

With that said and done I might be able to make a working life out of these days :P

Oh, and I’ve decided to stay single, I need no relationship right now. I have other things to take care of, but it would be nice to at ´least have someone beside me during the nights ;) Want someone to sleep beside? Then you’re welcome here, but don’t expect anything.

Regards:

Since last time…

Been doing a lot and yet nothing…

Got like no fucking money, nothing to do during the days but the ROM cooking for the Diamond. Which by the way has proceeded better than I thought. Got an almost perfect Titanium release, even thou I’m a Sense 2+ person, but there is a bucket of bugs. Messaging problems, randomly freezes, slower than anything I know of. But I’ll keep on tweaking everything I can to get it to run smoothly.

Regards:

Yeah.

So, I’ve ended my membership on Bilddagboken. sweet89 is no longer there. Feels great.

And today we’ve finally got our internet. 24Mbit. Wonderful.

Now I’m going to play some Borderlands, might play online. Anyhow, I’m playing to get more trophies only. And to kill some time before JozzÄ gets back from school. I need some company. And we decided to watch “The Lovely Bones” (aka Flickan från ovan) tonight. And the quality will be quite good on the HD TV ;)

Oh, and my mate Sebba got his HTC Leo (aka HTC HD2) today, and I’m so jealous that there is no words for it. I really want that phone :O It’s awesome!

Well, bye bye. I might drop a few lines here later today. Might not. We’ll see :P

Regards:

Police… Interrogation…

Just got home from an interrogation with the police. Thought it had to do with W but it didn’t. It was about the shit with the idiot spreading a hell lot of bad rumors about me. And my “threat” against her. But the police officer saw me as not only a suspect, but as a victim too. And she understood how I felt about the whole thing. She even convinced me to have a meeting with the idiot, together with a “peace maker”, her and my mother. It will be when I’m back from the ADHD investigation in Mösseberg. Because when I come back with the diagnosis I have a triumph card.

Well, that was all for now. I’m going to continue with the development of WM6.5.3.28174-Izz0 for HTC Touch Diamond. It’s almost flawless. Just a few problems with the messaging functions. And I want to add Ez Input 1.5, Customized TouchFLO 3D, Izz0 Theme and a LOT of removed functions I never use :P And if I can I’ll add Gen.Y Dualboot with XDAndroid 2.0.1 Eclair ;) But more news about that later :D

“Drink it up, drink it up, OMGWTFHANGOVER” <3

Regards:

Well… Part. 4 anyhow…

As I promised, here is my continuation of part 3… A few days late thou… But have been busy with a few things in my life.

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Well, as I wrote in part 3, moving down here was both a good and a bad choice… And how it is, you’ll see here.

When I got down here I’d already have had a relationship with my former best friend, the first time we mistake it for love. Can’t say much about it as I’ve suppressed the few times I was down here before I fled down. But the second day, I had to go to Brinell and fill in an application, as I was about to start there, the day after I think it was. But anyhow. By that time I was in one of the most serious relationships I’ve ever had. We spent 1½ year together. She took my virginity. And I’m proud of having it until the age of 17. It’s an achievement, not a token of being an ass as most people think. I wanted to wait until I felt really sure about it, and I did with her. So, I gave it to her :) But during our relationship many things in my life went out of line, and I was very happy to have her and her family to rely on, as they helped me a lot with my father. Which by the way have been married to his wife for about 9 years now I think. And during these years, the only thing she’d done is gaining more and more repulsiveness in my eyes. If I were to name one person that I really could live without it would be her. Wouldn’t miss her a second. She threw me out of their house (after 10 months) and wished I would be dead. My father, what did he do? Well, he just stood behind her, saying nothing, doing nothing. Caring? No way in hell that is caring. And the threw-out was because I needed my father to fix my computer (as he didn’t let me do it myself, even thou I’m better than him in many areas) and he never took time to do that. And I needed it for school. But hey, they had their own studies to do so they didn’t gave a shit about mine. So after a few weeks/months (I don’t remember) of reminding him, she threw me out. Just like that. I spent three weeks living with my girlfriend and her family while they helped me to try to get an agreement with my father (only him, even if she was the one that was fucked up). It didn’t work. After that the social office gave me an apartment they had for those “bad youths” that couldn’t live home. I was handled as a criminal or junkie by the social office. In their eyes I was one of those that was fucked up. Because of that, I gained a reputation in Nässjö, I was a “badboy”. Drinking, fighting, taking drugs and I don’t know what. After a year in that apartment, with my contact coming every Monday to make sure I’d been at school, washed, dished and cleaned the apartment, without any “bad” weeks, I turned 18 and was given my first own apartment. Where? In Bodafors. A nice apartment, but a stupid place. Everyone in the building was certainly 75+ except the guy underneath me. And everyone complained about me. Well, I was an rather extreme goth at the time, so it came quite naturally, but after like 3 months I wasn’t allowed to even enter my apartment. I had to get my old contact to do the moving, but where? Well, first I had a stay with a friend of my father, but my stuffs were put in the basement that belonged to the social office. And after a while living with her I got to know that I could take a room in my mothers new house. She’d been moving down here when she heard that my fathers wife threw me out. And so I came to live with my family again. For a while. The social office gave me the key to an other apartment they had for these “bad youths”, and so my bad reputation grew stronger. But I only lived there for a few months. I found a nice apartment not far from my mothers new house. And I got it. The only thing I didn’t like with it, it was in Grimstorp. But at least I had my own place to be. I lived there for two years, without any complains, but now recently I’ve moved into Nässjö and is sharing a big apartment with my best friend.

During the time, I’ve messed up the relationship with my former best friend, I’ve messed up the relationship with one of the few I can talk to, and many times too. I’ve messed up the relationship with many of my friends. I had a rough time. Spent the most time in my mothers house during the last two years. As she was the only one that has been a constant in my life. She has always been there, and she always will. And some of the shorter relationships I’ve had during the time has had problems with accepting my strong feelings for her. And somehow I can understand a bit of it. I prioritized going to her than other things a normal kid in the 18/19/20 age would do. And it has messed up a few good relationships. But hopefully no more.

Even thou this is just like a summary of what has happened the past years, I feel that there is a lot that isn’t mentioned, as the fucked up principal who made me skip my last year in school, the threats of a former neighbors’ son, the death of my fathers parents, and the unfair treatment he has given me throughout these years. The 10 months living with them was nothing compared to what he’d done and still is doing to me. There is this struggle of getting the psychologists to do an AD/HD investigation that finally has been put in motion. My mother took me to a psychologist to get it done when I was about 3 or 4 years old. I’m turning 21 this summer. Quite some time it has taken. And I’ll probably be done with it during summer. So about 17 years to find out that I have it. As my father, my brother and my cousin has it, and we’ve always thought I have it.

Well, I see nothing but hope and a near perfect life in the future. I just have to put my energy into the right things and I’ll be there. Hopefully. And with people around me that understands me better than many of those around now. With a loyal and honest girl at my side to share everything with. That is what I seek and what I will have when my future is here. I’m sure of it. Trust me.

Goodnight <3

Regards:

…

Sorry I haven’t posted the continuation on my previous post, but I don’t have the energy for it right now.

There is so much to think about, like how will my money problem get solved, how is it going to turn out with Lisa, who’s the ones I really can trust, and so on and so on…

And in the middle of that, I’ve joined a group of beta testers for XDAndroid for HTC Touch Diamond. And there is a lot of things involved in the testing. Trying to test every feature that the recent build has to offer, but it isn't easy.

brokeNCYDE – Tipsy <3

Regards:

Well… Part 3 anyhow…

And here I am again. Writing about what matters most to me.

---

Lisa, I really love you, so much so it aches in every inch of my body by just thinking of you. But this post, it’ll be about something else than you. Things I have to get out of my system, in any way. But remember, I’ll always be thinking of you, no matter how much it aches. Because when the night come to tuck everyone in, I know, I can feel it in every cell of my body, I love you. No matter what. And I’ll be laying awake for a while, hugging that striped pillow, and wish it was you <3

This picture is from the last night I saw you. And how wonderful it was to be walking the dogs with you and your family. I really like them. They seem nice. And I can’t hide, I’m a bit jealous. Your father cares about you. I’ve never had one. He haven’t cared about me for real during my entire life. When I was admitted to the psychology ward in Jönköping and later in Eksjö, and I told him what had happened, his answer was “And you tell me this because?”… During that time i had friends that really was there for me, helped me, and without a selected few, I think I wouldn’t had been released as early as I was. They even doubted on letting me go as it was. But I do understand them. With both police and ambulance on scene. Naturally they doubt. And with the thoughts I had back then. Every time I was in the shower or did anything related to water I just thought that it would be a quick and painless way out. 10 seconds of the same feeling as when you take a deep breath with ice-cold air. How painless isn’t that? Well, at least most of my self-destructive thoughts are gone. For ever I hope. Just the future could tell.

I really don’t know what to write, but I know that there is a lot in the back of my head. Things I need to get out, things I wish I had that perfect friend back for. The friend that turned her back on me, after years of the greatest friendship I’ve ever had. It still hurts. And it doesn’t help to know that you’ve moved far away and barely have your phone turned on. Wish you were back here. I miss those times together. I often do. It didn’t matter how sad neither of us was, together we always made each other laugh. To bad that it is history. But it had to end sometime, didn’t it? And to those who say that they could be that friend to me. There is no way you can replace that friendship. There was a special bond between me and her from day one. I can’t explain it, but it was there. And twice we did the mistake of thinking it was love. But we realized it wasn’t. And there are a lot, and I mean a lot of things she know about me, that I can’t tell any one, ever. And there are a lot I know about her. And I won’t tell that either.

Before I came back down here I lived about three years in Eskilstuna. Three years I miss, three years I could live without. Because up there my life went crazy. I did many mistakes that have lead me to the life I live today. I was fragile, emotionally fragile, I still am, but I have more confident now. I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter what people think, just do what you think are the proper things to do. But back there… When we moved up, it wasn’t because of any normal or rational reason. My beloved grandfather had just died. My mum inherited the house my grandfather and his father had build, the house my mother grew up in. So we moved from a relatively nice life in Myresjö to a messed up one in Eskilstuna. We were four people and three dogs living in a 2 room house with a little cabin (10 square meters, where I had my bedroom) and there we tried to make a life. I went to a new school (as many times before) with new people. And I thought it might be my time to become popular. As I’ve never been that guy with many friends to hang out with. I’ve been the one to hang out with the other outcasts that didn’t have any friends either. And that taught me a lot. Don’t judge a person by the looks. Get to know them before you make a judgment. And well, up there, I tried to get popular, get a girlfriend, as anyone else. The difference was, I wasn’t interested in a temporary relationship, I’ve never been and never will. I’ve always tried to get to know a person beforehand. And with the experience I had with the “outcasts” I wasn’t one of those that was mean towards them. As a matter of fact, I just stood there. I’m ashamed of that, but I did. But later I became friend with a few of them, and my “popular" friends” didn’t like that. So after awhile, once again I was one of the outcasts. And that’s just for caring. And it got worse. As the 7th grade came towards an end I had like three people to talk to. Three people that were supposed to be my friends, and one of them was, back there. He is the only one I actually came up to visit a few years back. But now we’ve lost contact. And one of them I’ve began to talk to again, but if it hadn’t been because facebook we probably never would have. And the third of them, I really doesn’t know what happened to him. By the start of the 8th grade mum had rented the house out and we’ve moved into town, living in an apartment in Skiftinge. And my thoughts about that was like how on earth would I make friends there when every one was speaking in a language I’d never would understand. And the school, I hated it. As usually, I became an outcast. Had three friends there to. Rori, Theresa and Emma, They were the only ones I had to spend time with, during school. During the other time I had no one else than my little sister and her friends. But mostly I tried to be able to get away and meet with the old friends. And after a while I fell in love with Rori, she had a personality that I really liked. But as always when it comes to girls, I had no luck. It basically ruined our friendship. But during that half year in the school there, I got threatened, beaten and picked on, and she was by my side, as I was on hers. So it was still a friend to trust. But near the Christmas holiday, one in my class stuck a glue gun tip with approximately 200 degrees Celsius on my hand, leaving an open wound. And my teacher laughing. As a reflex I almost stuck the tip of my glue gun in her right eye. I remember it like it was yesterday. And after a dispute between my mother, the principal and my teacher it got reported to the police. And their response: “She’s already in care of by the social office”. So nothing happened, and it actually wouldn’t have anyway. As everyone hated me more after the principal reported it to the police. And even thou everyone saw what she did, none of them would testify against her. Bad luck? What else. So when the Christmas holiday was over I was back in my old school again, even thou it was almost an hour long bus ride to get there. And things were a bit better. But then we moved into an other apartment. Don’t remember why. But we did. And by that time I had got a weekend home, or what ever it is called, to go to instead of my father as we didn’t have any contact. And for a while things were really good. I’d met at least three new friends in town. I remember all of them so well, and I miss them to. Sofia, Mikaela and Cizzi :) Me, Sofia and Mickaela went to the bus station and got on the next bus that arrived, followed it all the way to the end. And who lived close by to the end? Mikaelas grandmother. So we went there for awhile and after that we decided to walk into town again. And to get there we had to climb on the side of a bridge that crossed a river, as there was no sidewalk over it, but I understand why as it was connected to the highway. But there we was, like 50 meters over the water, and only had like a 50 centimeter wide edge to walk on. We were crazy, and none of us really cared about ourselves. We did a lot crazy things like that during the time I lived there. But then for some reason I can’t remember I tried to hang myself in the cord to my bass, and I would have made it if my teacher hadn’t called home and wanted to talk to me. But about 10 centimeters over the floor, mum open the door, throws the phone away and rips the whole thing from the ceiling. And I was placed in a foster home as she didn’t feel good herself. And my foster home, I didn’t like it at all. She was working during the nights, and left ME to take care of her two sons, even thou she knew what I had done. And she was so protective that everything was dangerous, in her eyes. The cell phone was supposed to be turned off if you wasn’t expecting a call. And she complained about me listening to music with my headphones as there were a “dangerous” amount of radiation. And computers and TV, a maximum of one hour a day. So there I lost the two things that gave me the strength needed to get through everyday. So I couldn’t stand being there. Started to invite friends over to party when she was at work and her sons were at their dads house. I took quite a lot of the alcohol that was available and made quite a mess. So then I was placed to live at my weekend home. An alone Finnish old guy. With extreme problems with relations of any kind. But I didn’t notice that until I was placed there. He also had some alcohol problems and problems with the connection with his own two kids. And they wanted me to live with that dude? Well, I didn’t have any choice. But during the time I lived there, I got a relatively stable connection with my father, and after about a year of both physical and mental abuse I ran away to my father. I had tried to convince both of my psychologists and my contacts at the social office about how he treated me, and I had both my father and my former best friend to prove it, as they’d been with me on the phone a few times when he’d started to beat me. But I could, COULD have caused the wounds by myself. They did nothing. So, I ran. I told my psychologists, my contacts and my mother that I was just going to see him during my summer vacation 2005. So I left, but never got back. Both a wise choice and a mistake.

Sorry, but I don’t have the energy to continue right now. I’m tired and I’m quite down by thinking of all this. I can’t really grasp that I, a caring and mostly nice person could have been through this. Sometimes I’ve even doubted my memories, but people, like my former best friend, have reminded me of how it was.

But I need to sleep now so I’ll pick up where I left of tomorrow… If i have the strength…

Regards:

What you think? :P

Well, been running around town to get all necessary things done, like a visit to the “beloved” Arbetsförmedling to get actual in their database, again. And from today and forward I’ll get 135:-/day that I don’t work :P

Well, going to fix some stuff at home and maybe change clothes, and then I’m off to Värnamo to meet the weirdest person I know ;) Little Marion (no not the Marion from Robin Hood ;))

Bye bye to those few reading, even thou I can see that there is quite a few that are returning visitors :D And quite a few pageloads per day :) It makes me glad, but one thing that disappoints me is that I’ve NEVER had any comments *sadface* So PLEASE comment if anything I’ve written gives you some kind of reaction ! I want some input from my output (programmers obsession ;))

Regards:

Love. Part 2

Well, for all to know. I’ll name the posts “Love. Part “ and a number… Just to keep track of how many posts I actually do post “to” the dearest one of all :)

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I don’t know what you think of me stealing this picture from Facebook, but I really like it. And one thing that really makes me glad about this one is that the necklace I gave you, my nametag made from my mums and dads engagement rings is on it. It gives me so much hope and strength. Just to know that you’re wearing it. And I can tell you a little secret, or whatever I should call it, but the necklace you gave me, the silver chain, it’ll never ever be taken off, and the belt you gave me when we were visiting your lovely family, I’m wearing it even if I don’t need a belt. It might be viewed as an obsession, but I do it because it gives me strength. The strength I need when I feel down or am in a bad mood.

Today I’ve had a fantastic mood, right until I was on my way home. I didn’t want to get home. I want to get on the next train to you. Hold you so close to me and whisper in your ear that I’ll love you ‘till the end, the end of time.

I know for a fact that there are people that don’t believe me when I say that you are the one I want to spend my life with, and they don’t believe that you can love a person as much as I love you, and for them I am sorry. Either they’ve missed their chance or they haven’t had theirs yet. But I promise you, with all my black heart, that the feelings for you won’t fade away. They won’t. Never. Sure, I really can’t know that, but I know that for some reason it feels like the most proper thing to say as the feeling in my body is indescribable. It kind of aches, but not painfully, it burns in some weird kind of way. Really can’t describe it.

One thing that crossed my mind just now, I can’t believe how honest and well-behaved I’ve been the last few months. Don’t know if it has anything to do with you, but I realized that it was with you by my side I decided to tell my psychologist that I’ve stopped taking my medication, and that I’d start taking it again. I don’t know if you remember, but you followed me there, and well, she asked a lot about you, as I’d mentioned you a few times before, she was glad that I’d met you, because she thought you could be what I needed to “get going” and sort some things in my life out.

It feels weird to think back at the time before we met, because I wish I’d written to you so many times before. I can’t recall how many times I’ve signed on to MSN and seen that you were online, and thought that it would be nice to talk to you, but I never dared. I remember one thing that I feared. I feared that you’d forgotten who I was, and that’s a quite typical thing for me, as I’m always afraid of resurrecting old connections or friendships because of exactly that fear. Believe me. I can barely talk to my mums boyfriends brother, I always say “He’d probably forgotten me”. But back to topic. That was one thing I feared. Even though I can’t remember how we got in touch with each other in the first place, I’ve remembered how nice you were to talk to. Really can’t recall how we ended up not talking either. But at least we are now :)

I know I’ve mentioned you before here in my little blog as I have an old “Twiggyboll” tag. It’s almost a year ago, on the day. That post were from the 16th of March 2009. A while before I did something stupid. I actually kind of remember some of the things we talked about. I know it was when I was messing around with Wirran, during the time I was quite down because her way of acting. And you were there. Supporting me. Helping me keeping my mood up. I also remember that during that time I thought of you as one of the few I could talk to, about everything and anything. And I still do. But I won’t, you shouldn’t have to think about my trivial problems. Mum can help me with those. :D

To be honest, I really miss that time. What if we weren’t meant to be together yet? As you said, you want to sort your life out, and I have a few loose ends to tie together. Like my relationship with my father. My coming investigation and a few other things. It could be that this, this was meant to be when those things were done. Because there is no doubt in my mind when I say I’m meant for you. Not a single trace of doubt. But it could be that we tried to early. But that doesn’t matter as we’ve taken care of that issue ;) We could go back to the past relationship we had back then, but with one difference, I’ll tell you that I love you. And this time it’s my turn to be there for you!

Lisa, if you ever doubt on us or anything, please talk to me about it. I’ll talk to you about anything that I feel is necessary for you to know, that I can promise you.

Well, I feel like sketching, and THAT was a looong time ago I did something like that. To bad I think that my 2B, 4B and 6B pencils is in my old apartment, but I’ll look through the stuffs I’ve brought here so far.

Love and kisses, hugs and pinches to the one love I’ll hopefully spend the rest of my life with <3
Lisa Andersson <3

Regards:

Love <3

Well, before anyone starts to read, I just want you to be prepared for my longest and hardest post to write. The time for starting to write is 02.38 and it would probably take like 15-20 minutes for me to finish. So now I’d better start.

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There are a few things in life that come totally unpredictable, unprepared and without notice. One thing that certainly does is L-O-V-E ! The special thing about love is that it can appear in multiple shapes and forms. Like the love for your parent or parents, your first own pet, your best friend or first lover. Even though many of them is a pure, devoted and sincere love, they could all be replaced or perfectly destroyed. One love can’t be destroyed, and that’s the one that hits you harder than the pellets from a shotgun or a penny dropped from the top of the Eiffel Tower. There is nothing you would do to loose it and there is everything you would do to keep. It really is your everything. But that’s just in fairytales, right?

Well, for me it isn’t just in fairytales. For me it is a hard fact. A solid evidence of it’s own existence. The thing is that it took me quite a while to understand that it really, really was that kind of love. That pure essence of the most unpredictable emotion. I really don’t remember when I first noticed the effect you had on me, your words, your entire existence, the only thing I know is that for almost the entire time I was to afraid to say anything, I was unsure, uncertain of me and my emotions. I barely dared to write to you, as you probably noticed, and as I’ve mentioned a few times for you.

When I finally dared, it was you who took the first step. And I didn’t even notice you were actually taking a first step. I just passed it down with everyone else’s desperate or unserious comments. But there it started. With just a few words you erased the fear, but not the uncertainty. That was actually today. But that will come later. As we spoke more and more I felt this need to be with you, and you probably sensed the same, and by each nightfall it was stronger. And then, actually noticed, I was threatened by a friend of mine with a knife. And who helped me to keep my head straight? You did ! And from that day until the past Thursday, we saw each other as  couple. A happy couple. I saw us as THE happiest couple of all. (Just my two cents thou). But the past Thursday, you told me something I first couldn’t swallow, I couldn’t stand it. But I did, for you. You wanted me to wait for you to be ready for a relationship. My first thought, honestly it was that you was to cowardice to tell me straight to my face that you really didn’t want me. And that fear I felt back then, it lingered in the back of my mind until tonight.

Because of the fight that arose tonight, really don’t care what caused it, but the fear that I’d actually had ruined every chance of getting you back got me thinking. And I never think I’ve used that much of my brain before. Just the feeling of it made my eyes tear and my hand shake. The most horrific fear I’ve ever felt. And I’ve been in quite some scary shit. Just the feeling would have sent me down Suicide Lane a few months earlier. But what did I do? I stood against it, took all my fear and turned it into energy, just to make you understand that I wouldn’t leave you for anyone. To tell you that losing you would be losing my point in life. My sole purpose. And I realized that the feeling I had wasn’t fear, the aching in my heart and veins wasn’t pain, it was love, the purest form of love. So painful, yet so energizing. And how glad I am that it came in that moment. As now I’ve lost the uncertainty I had. I’ll wait, right here for you. And in the meanwhile I can focus on studies or whatever, without the disturbance of temporary lovers, those that come and go. Because I know, that when you are ready, you’ll come back to me. And that moment is what I long for more than anything.

I hope that you realize how important you are to me, my love.
Without you, there would be no me.

And this is my way of giving myself up to you, as much as possible right now.

Lisa Andersson, I am yours, yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever.
The future is not staked, but it’ll be what we make of it, together. <3

---

Well, it took more than the 15-20 minutes I thought it would. It took about an hour, yet it felt like just the blink of an eye. So I guess these “loveletters” to the love of my life will be my way of making the time pass by while I wait. My nightly obsession. And you can be sure, I’ll be waiting, because how much my heart ever would ache, I now know that it isn’t pain, it’s pure, devoted, sincere and unquestionable love, just for you. <3

Regards:

Fuckface…

Well, some things in my life has just recently turned into pure shit…
Being all alone at the moment, I’ve been doing some thinking, and I’m not sure what to do… I have a strange and stupid feeling in my head and I can’t get it out. Well, fuck that…

 

As Sebba is working today “/ I’m all alone, but not for long I hope as Wirran told me she’d be coming over today :) That’s good as she’s the only one I have that I can really talk to about whatever…

Well, I think I’m over and out as I need to continue eating this fucking pasta and then I’ll go out to the living room to play some Borderlands ;) Need more trophies xD

Before I go, even if I doubt that you’d read this, but Lisa, I’ll be waiting for you… And I hope that you do as you said, because I’ll actually be here waiting for you to come… Love you more than anything <3

Regards:

A while ago… Yeah !

So it’s been quite a while ago since I posted here… But now I am again :D

The last few days I’ve been busy moving into town from the hellhole called Grimstorp. Now I live in Nässjö, sharing an apartment with my best friend :D How good ain’t that? ;)

At the moment I’m chatting with my honey,  trying to find out how to use MSPfortmat in Windows 7 so I can undo my big mistake :O Accidentally formatted my MSProDuo for my PSP so now I can’t dualboot 6.20 OFW (NAND) and 5.50 GEN-D3 (MSP) again :( I’m using 6.20 OFW to be able to play Dante’s Inferno, which I bought for an amount that it wasn’t worth, at least that’s how I feel at the moment…
I want to boot into 5.50 GEN-D3 to be able to use the homebrew AirCrack PSP to break through my new neighbors WEP protected WLAN ;) Free Internet access is ALWAYS appreciated !

 

Well, now I’m heading back to my honey, Opera and mIRC ;) Got a lot going right now (A)

Kisses to the one who’s closest to me, and that would absolutely be Lisa “Twiggy” Andersson, my love <3 Miss you more than you can think of ! <3

Regards:

Since last time…

I’ve done a lot of things (I think)… Doesn’t really remember all things… Just that I’ve been away to the most wonderful, beautiful and gorgeous person I know :) My dear Lisa Andersson :D A girl I can’t live without, so much I’ve realized since I got home like a few days ago (Feb 3rd)… And how have these days been but lonely, sad and rather boring…? Hmm… Want her to be here… Want to be there…

And on top of my loneliness my mind gives me stupid thoughts that I know are totally wrong, but hey… Here they are anyhow… Sometimes I wish I could just turn the “computer” inside my head off for a while… Or at least standby mode…

Well… I should go back to my “cooking” of a stable Trinity ROM, and my packaging of my apartment stuff… Moving into the city in about exactly 3 weeks :) Sharing a nice one with Sebba :)

Well… As I stated before, I should go back to my multi-tasking…
Bye bye…

Lisa "Twiggy" Andersson, jag älskar dig så mycket att jag inte kan komma på ett ord som kan beskriva det. Känslan jag fylls med utan dig är hemsk, en svart kvävande känsla, kan tänka mig att det är så det känns att vara naken in the deep space, längtandes tillbaka till jorden.
Saknar dig något så förbannat mycket! De 6 dagarna jag var hos dig har slagit ALLT jag gjort ! Kommer inte på en grej som jag njutit av mer.
Inte en konsert, en spelning, en resa eller något annat.
Jag är din igår, idag, imorgon, för alltid --<@ <3

Regards:

Work xD

Waiting for the time to fly by. Want to get away, not tonight, not later. I want to get going NOW !

Instead of leaving tomorrow, I’m leaving directly after work today :D
All the way down to my honey :D

Hehe… A nice weekend with her is all I need :D <3

Love you honey <3

Regards:

HeHe

After talking a short while on msn I decided to take some action against this mess in my apartment. I need to do that, just living here about a month more :D Then I live in Nässjö again :D And sharing an apartment with my best friend :D

IMout ;)

Regards:

:D

Haven’t been doing many other things than longing for Friday and my hun <3
Oh, and I’ve been at work :P

Well, now I’m bored so… I’ll be doing some wierd stuff on the computer (like installing Corel Painter so I can draw some shiet)…

Kisses to the dearest Twiggy out there <3 I love you so much <3

Regards:

Tonight :)

At the moment I’m sitting in my bed, wishing for my dear Twiggy to be here! It would’ve been awesome !

brokeNCYDE is coming from my speakers, as they’ve done a lot the last days :) And I can’t stop loving brokeNCYDE – Schitzophrenia. It’s their best song I’ve heard. And by some reason it always makes me feel energized and happy :O Hehe, but hey, I’m the wierdest dude out here :P

I’ve made an surgery on my mini phone (CECT KA08 is the real name, an iPhone clone) to adjust the screens alignment to she casing, and to make the ONLY button to be more responsive. And by some wierd reason, the surgery fixed the problem with the automatic screen lock :O Must have been caused by a piece of the casing that touched the screen or something. But now it is fully functional (even thou the phone sucks goats ass). Atleast I can have both my Halebop and my Comviq cards in it. And the Comviq number will be activated after midnight, and will only be given to some very special people! People I really like! So no bugging me about the number, no matter who you are !

Well, time for something to eat and to look at some more episodes of The X-Files Season 6 until my love tells me to call her again :D

Love you honey <3 I’m very happy to have you and I’m longing for Friday so fucking much! <3

Regards:

Twiggy <3

So the friend I talked with on the phone a few days ago was the girl who has become mine <3 Twiggy <3

We’ve texted quite much, and everything feels better and better ! She’s got like everything. And she’s a person which shares my love for Stephen King :D

Twiggy, I really do like you more than you know, but you’ll soon be aware of it ;)

Yours Truly, Izaac “Izz0” Johansson!

Regards:

fuck this

so I’ve just made a call to the police…

A “freind” tried to stab me in the throat… Because I TALKED to his girlfriend, who LIED to me and said she was single…

Fuck you ppl…

Watch out for HW (psychopathic fucker) and his girlfriend AJ!!!!!!!!!!!

Regards:

This day…

…has been quite nice actually. Talked to a sweet friend on the phone, just for a while thou.

And how “me” isn’t it to forget what I’ve done today…? Damn… Well, at least I know that I’ve been working the whole day xD

Regards:

Yeah yeah yeah….

So I’ve just talked to my father… Screw him… He have had my old stationary computer for a while now, and I was told to get my money the following week… I didn’t… And Back then I was told I’d get them yesterday… Guess what? I didn’t !

Fuck him… I want my money and I need them now ! And that phone I got as a part of the payment, an mini iphone brick-clone, is sucks… Only thing it is good at is losing reception and its very nice speakerphone, else it’s just crap…

Regards:

Thought…

I know that I should just drop this, but for some reason I can’t… It doesn’t matter what I do, I still can’t get you, just you, out of my mind… I don’t know how it could be such a problem, hey, it was just a few kisses and that’s it… Gaah, I’m a fucked up dude…

At the moment it’s the third Stephen King movie I’m watching, and throughout all of them your name has been somewhere in my mind. Wondering if I should text you or not… But it feels like  really bad idea… Well well… I’ll let you be, you and the boyfriend you never mentioned… Just remember that I’ll be here for you, as a friend, if you even wants that…

Regards:

…

Anyone who agrees with me about people who don’t tell the truth about things, that they just suck…

What is so hard with telling anyone that you don’t care about them, that you don’t give a shit? If that’s how they feel, then it’s just reality… Let people know…

So, if you’re not honest with people about what you think about them, then fuck off !

Regards:

…

a trembling i feel inside
what are there for you and i
sure hope something just for us
i could easily count the days
eventually weeks and months
just to become years
but still there is this trembling
what about an happy ending?

Regards:

:(

This day has been the worst… Sick, tired and tired of being sick and tired…

Was supposed to work 9am to 7pm, but hey, my energy was depleted even before I got out of bed… And I even slept well tonight…

Now I’m going to play something all by myself, as usual, and then watch the movie I “missed” by falling asleep. The Langoliers by Stephen King ! And maybe some other good film based on his novels/books.

Byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye

Regards:

Facebook :O

So what xD I’m currently active on facebook, but probably just for a while… I’ll grow tired of that too :P

Sitting in my bed, felling bad… So, don’t count on me being active anywhere at the moment.

Regards:

MoBDB

I’ve started a new programming project to kill some time…
Bad thing is that their API is only supporting like a third of the functions I want to implement… :(

So I have to wait for a while, or I can use the original site as the pure API, and just use the application as a front-end. Would be a very complex task though.

We’ll just have to wait and see how they develop their API…

Regards:

Hmm…

I can’t stop wondering what you think about me…
I know that it’s wierd, but I like you a lot. Jupp…
As I wrote during the night, wierd things is going on in my brain…

Bluttablaah !

I need coffee and a cigarette now ! And someone wants to be social on either MSN or sms, aight?

I’m bored !

Regards:

Whats up?

I think there is some wierd shit going on in my brain.
I guess I’m starting to become insane.
2 week’s without my medication.
And now I’m here again…

Turning to what I once was, which I really don’t like…
Aggressive, impatience, out of focus…
All these things I hate about myself.

The routines I need to follow has long been gone.
Morning, evening, night…
No difference anymore…
Wish I had the strength to start taking my medication again.
I know that they work and that I love the new me…
They say I need them, but I’m to weak… Mentally weak…
Can’t adopt to the routines again.

Well, some pure thoughts from me…
i won’t answer any questions about it, so don’t bother to ask…
Just had to get this little ling out of my system!

Regards:

Hmm.. Summary?

Yesterday (Saturday) night I was asked to join a little party with some friends, and well, I tagged along :) And I am glad I did, haven’t had that fun in a while. Played some poker and other card games :P

And today (Sunday) I’ve been in bed for almost al´l the day :O Headache and some wierd pain when breathing. But hopefully it’ll be gone soon.

Talked with Sabrina for about 3½-4 hours now while I played Need 4 Speed: Most Wanted (best NFS out there!). Funny :D Hehe :P Her “Jo” sounds so nice xD You should just hear it ;)

Well, tomorrow I have to work, 9 AM to 7 PM, and it sucks… And oh, I’m also going to fetch my “The Legends of Zelda: Collectors Edition” to my GameCube xD And how old isn’t these games, but how fantastic are they! They rule !

But now I have to sleep…

Kisses to those worth it, you know who you are and that I love you ! <3
An still special kisses to a very special person. Miss you and I want you here, and you hopefully know that, and you should know who you are! <3

Regards:

Today…

Well, at mums house, watching the dogs… But not only that, she stayed home too, she didn’t have the energy to go away… So I’m sitting here by my laptop, listening to “Smutstvätt” (A) And how much do I love “Vill du bli min tjej” ? Extremely much! It’s without doubt their best song together with “Från sperma till uttråkad” :)

Well, well, going to take some coffee and a cigarette, and then start playing “Super Probotector” (aka “Contra”) on my PSP :P

Kisses to those worth it, you know who you are and that I love you ! <3
And again, especially to the person who I have in my mind (A) You should probably know who you are ! <3

Regards:

Apartment stuff…

Been fixing around in the apartment, cleaning up, moving things and other “good” stuff..

At the moment I’m to lazy to tell, but well, probably pictures will show up xD

Thinking of a special person (A) and I really hope that I’ll meet her soon :)

Gaah, I hate to be single, and I love it too… Wierd… But if things turn out as I want them to, I probably won’t be single for much longer :D We can just hope ;)

Kisses to those worth it, you know who you are and that I love you ! <3
And especially a lot of kisses to this special girl I wished to be here with me right now ! <3

Regards:

Work, work, work…

This is boring… I don’t have the energy to work, not today and not next week… But hey, I’ve got no choice…

And another thing is that I can’t get this person out of my mind… :O

Well well, a cup of coffee now…

Kisses to those worth it, you know who you are and that I love you ! <3

Regards:

Work…

So… I’m at work… Boring as “Tanten” hasn’t woken up yet…
But hey, that gives me some time to type some unnecessary shit here :P

This night I were watching two movies, one rather wierd called UNKNOWN and the great Resident Evil:Extinction :D

At the moment I’m mostly waiting for some people to answer to their text messages… Lame…

Well, I’m out now… Going to take a nice cup of coffee :D

Kisses to those worth it, you know who you are and that I love you ! <3

Regards:

Hmm…

Fuck this…

I can’t “decide”… I know that W loves me, and well, I haven’t really forgotten her, but there’s the fear that the same thing will happen again…  And I’ve met A once, and well, I really enjoyed being with her, even thou it was just for a short while… And for some reason I can’t get her out of my mind… I think I’ve been thinking more about her than the movie I started to try to fall to sleep…

I really don’t know what to do right now… Well… Hopefully I’ll know in a week or two, or else I’ll get fucked up…

And if that weren’t enough, there’s this “unknown” person, which I kind of like…

Well, to hell with it for the moment… Work from 9 am to 7 pm “tomorrow”…

Regards:

Yaaaaay :D

So, just got home from town :D
And how nice it was :D I met a very nice girl. And I’d like to spend more time with her, and probably I will this weekend :D

Kisses to those worth it, you know who you are and that I love you ! <3

Regards:

Today :)

So, I'm at work... Quite smooth, but I'm very tired...
In a while we're going to town, and hopefully I'll meet a cute girl :)
Well, know of nothing to write about, so now I say bye 'till next time :D

Kisses to those worth it, you know who you are and that I love you ! <3

Regards:

This night :D

I’ve really enjoyed this nights conversations. Talked a lot with a dear friend of mine that I’ve missed, that I really want to meet again :D Her name is Sabrina (some of you know who she is).

I’ve also talked to another girl, which I haven’t met, but hey, she’s one of the nicest girls I’ve talked to. She’s smart, beats me in Swedish, and she make’s me smile a lot. I know there is a lot of people at BDB that’s curious about her. Just telling you she’s called BordelineC. More I won’t say, as I feel that it would be a betrayal of her trust. And a little note, haven’t enjoyed WLM this much since I talked to two old friends (which I’ve lost all contact with *weep*) called Skurtisen and Pingu.

I also found a lot of pictures that I’ve been looking for, obviously in the wrong places, but now they’re found. Pictures of me from my most extreme-goth period. Here you’ll have one of the shots taken by my old classmate Eddie from MPA0609:

Kisses to those worth it, you know who you are and that I love you ! <3

Regards:

Summary

I’ve been bad at this xD

I think blogging isn't my thing. Boards is my thing…

During the last days I’ve been either at my apartment or at Wirrans mothers house… It’s been quite nice, but I’m still a bit unsecure. I really enjoy being with her, bet then the thoughts about how it ended up last time comes up in my mind… Sorry cutie, but I really can’t forget… Hopefully I do… Now you know why I don’t give a straight answer… :(

And tomorrow I’ll be working, which isn’t so appreciated, really don’t feel like it, but anyhow… I have to as Gitte has slipped and broken a few ribs :(

And now I’m back to watching Two and a half men on channel 6 :D
Best show ever !

Kisses to those worth it, you know who you are and that i love you ! <3

Regards:

Mums birthday :)

So, we’ve celebrated my mother today :) Was fun to meet everyone at the same time :)

Cidde, Gitte, Ronnie, Bella, Tess, Jennifer (my sis) and her boyfriend Simon, which by the way is quite fun :P

Well, I’m recharging the camera batteries so I can upload the pictures to BDB. Just notice, you’ll have to have an account as I don’t want people to be able to anonymously visit and view my pictures. And if you don’t have one and you have my MSN or something, just ask me about the visitors password!

Hopefully you’ll be satisfied with my short and unnecessary posts, but I hope that I get a little response for posting so I feel more triggered to keep on posting, and maybe some more personal posts… You know, like confession-like posts :P

Kisses to those worth it, you know who you are and that I love you ! <3

Regards:

I just got two calls from my past shrink, and I asked her to check the AD/HD stuffs, and which place in line I had… And after like 20 minutes she called again with some good news :) If I’m ready to spend a few nights in Linköping (I think it was) then I could come and to the tests before summer probably. So now I just have to wait for a paper mail from them :D:D:D I really hope it’ll come soon :D

So, thats why I have a

*happyface*

Regards:

:)

Bad news… Avatar will be tomorrow as Sebba starts work early as hell ! :O So it’ll be tomorrow :)

And some good news :) Probably going to see Wirran again after I don’t know how long. But that won’t be until Wednesday. But hey, nice to know in advance, right? ;)

Well, just wanted to put up a short update as I’m quite out of things to write about…

Kisses to those worth it, you know who you are and that I love you ! <3

Regards:

Hehe

At the moment I’m at mums house, spending her band weight :P

Should have met my shrink today, but got a call from them… She’s sick, and my other shrink has moved to BUP so there it all goes to hell :( She was the one who had all information about how it goes with the AD/HD check… And she was the one who gave me my pills… So don’t know how this will go… :( Really hate days like this, but this day will be better tonight. Me, Sebba and Sampe is going to see Avatar :P It seems like a hell of film!

And, for those ho doesn’t know, me and Jozzä switched phones, so I have a HTC Hermes (TyTN) and she has the HTC Trinity (P3600). The Hermes is smoother to type on as it has a slide-out keyboard. So now I’m typing quicker :D

Well, I’m out of here… Putting up a post later today or tomorrow…

Kisses to all those worth it, you know who you are and you know I love you ! <333

Regards:

Today !

Hello everyone reading my unimportant posts.
We’re sitting in the living room, talking about unimportant stuffs, as always.
Just wishing I was home, and that I could meet some of the most important people, but I can’t… Really hate that…

Well, hopefully we’re going to eat soon as I want to get home now… But we’ll probably eat in like 2 hours and after that we’re going home :P

Well well, as I always end my posts…

Kisses to those worth it, you know who you are and that I love you <3

Regards:

Cheeeese

Hehe… We ate different kind of cheeses like half an hour ago. Just love it.
I’d rather eat cheese than candy :O

Just had to put that up here :P *Timekilling post*

Kisses to those worth it, you know who you are and you know I love you <333

Regards:

Cake :D

Well, I’m back now, just ate some cake and spent some time watching “På Spåret”. One of the cities they had were Eksjö xD Nice Nice !

Well, I’m going to be online for a while, but just going to spend a part of that time here as I’m currently focused on getting Zombieland down !!!! Want to see it !!!!

Kisses to those worth it, you know who you are and that I love you ! <333

Regards:

Ohh…

I’m bored… Wish I could have the laptop connected to both internet and power all the time… Sadly I can’t, so I’m quite bored…

Just ate, and how I ate… Ready to get everything up, I’m that full…

I’ve got 100SEK in Christmas gift from grandma. Hell yeah, I’m rich xD

Well, still bored, still tired, still full… Going to take a smoke and a cup of coffee and see if someone nice is on msn. Hopefully there is.

Kisses to everyone worth it, you know who you are and you know I love you <3

Regards:

New Years Eve

So, the past year is, well, past. Feel’s kind of nice to feel my 21st birthday coming closer ;) And the studies in Mullsjö after the summer. Just longing for that.

I’m right here, in a sofa, typing this xD Just because I’m kind of bored. And f*ck this internet connection, using my phone as my modem, my mobile broadband is yet to be paid. This means that I don’t have band weight for µTorrent so I can’t get the Zombieland torrent down :( Oh, check out the trailer at IMDb (here). It seems like a hell of a zombiemovie :D

well, going back to being social for a while, was told I could use my grandmothers connection later to get the last 56% down, shouldn’t take more than half an hour. So, count on me coming back here with yet some little characters ;)

Kisses to those few who are worth it! I love you ! <3

Regards: