NEW BLOG !!!

All new materials is now posted on the new blog at: http://blog.izaacj.co.cc/


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Regards:

New blog !!!

I'm going to setup a new blog at http://blog.IzaacJ.co.cc/ later today... Probably it'll be a WordPress blog as I'm not so in to their theming system so it would be a smart idea to learn it.

I'll need something to do to keep my mind of some particular things... Well, won't be so active anywhere today I think, neither Facebook, Skype or MSN... maybe a little more active on Twitter...

Well... I love you, more that anything and more than you could imagine... I hope you know I'll always be here for you... <3


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Location:Nässjö, Sweden

Regards:

...

I seriously don't know what to do... The feelings I have for you are totally indescribable... No matter what I try to focus on, you invade those thoughts each and every time.

No matter how many times I try not to think about you I still do precisely that. Thinking of your lips against mine, your hands moving around on my body, your head on my chest while hearing your calming breathing during the nights... This are the things I think of... It's no good, it's killing me...

"Without you I'm nothing"


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Regards:

Today... Again...

This is weird... I'm laying here in my bed with the girl of my life, the love of my life and what am I about to do, well, cry... :( She ain't mine, she'll move away after school is out and then I won't know what to do...

She's like everything I ever wanted when it comes to a girl. She's perfect in my eyes... Damn...
I love her too much for my own good I think... :'(


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Regards:

Today

On the train to school :) Talking to Tess. Thinking about how this day will be... 2 classes, lunch, after which I'll spend some time in the gym. And when I get home I'll meet Emelie and spend some time with her :) Nice.
I dunno what to do, because I know that she can't have a relationship right now... But, oh, how I wish she could've been mine again, only mine :)

As I told her, my way towards her won't change, my feelings for her won't change and I'll always be there for her if she needs me.
This is a girl that's worth well, about everything I can think of. And no matter what I do, I can't get her out of my mind, even if I want to ;) I really love this sweet girl.


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Regards:

w00t !?

A totally random misc pic I took a few minutes ago. Just felt for pushing the trigger...
To be honest I'm quite a bit confused right now...
The dearest person I know makes my mind go nuts... I've understood that she can't stand a relationship right now, but sometimes it feels like that's what she want... And if that's so, there's no one to really replace her by side. She's irreplaceable without doubt.

Almost falling asleep, just one thing missing and that's my arm around her when she have her head on my chest sleeping like the beauty she is. Good ol' times... Times I wish to return, return and stay until the end of what we call our lives.

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Regards:

Insight

I’ve realized some things this night, things about myself, my priorities and how I want to live my life.
The thing is, the road there are long, and there might be some things that I’ve seen as a must that must be sacrificed to achieve what I want. Who I want.

To be honest, I don’t really care what y’all think about me. What’s important for me is the ones I love, and I mean really love, those I’d do anything to help. They are a major reason for struggling with many things, as I want to be able, if needed, to help them in anyway. I always try to help, but as I’m nothing but just a mortal little man, there are many things beyond my understanding, beyond my abilities and/or capabilities. With a better work and life situation I can focus more on the things I don’t understand, learn things about it, and by doing that I might be able to help them with similar things later on.

Not to sound like something to look up to or anything like that, just pure simple fact. If you treat me well, you could’ve got a friend that you really can count on, talk with and share some nice time with. I give everyone a chance, often a second or third chance too.

That kind a sum up my “way of life”. Now to something more serious.

Who I want. For those close to me, there’s no question about it. Even thou I’ve tried to get that girl out of my head and heart. Even thou I know that the “best” thing is to leave her behind and move on. But the “best” part is what bugs me. In my opinion, I don’t think it would be best for either her or me. That’s a bit selfish to say, but I feel deep in me that I shouldn’t leave her behind, no matter what. She scared the shit out of me today, about 1 hour ago. She told me she’ll move quite a bit after school, and when I read those words I felt how I was about to cry, seriously. There’s like 1½ year until she’s finished with school, but just to imagine her somewhere where I can’t see her, it’s awful.

For those who doesn’t know about her and my history, we got together and had a really good 3 months, then I got dumped, swiped off my feet, but I rose again with a strength I got from the certainty that she’d come back to me, which she did about 3 weeks later, but not for long. About a week later she dumped me, again. I told her that I didn’t want to hear from her. A wise thing I think. If I hadn’t really tried to forget her this time, I think she wouldn’t have texted me. Anyway… There’s no one that can make me forget her, not really. She’s the one I’d like to share everything with. The one I always want to be available to.

I’ve tried to find someone else, in my age you kind a start looking the day after, but whoever I talk to, even if I want to, I can’t get her out of my mind. She’s there. With both my mind and heart telling me that I should wait for her, what should or could I do?

What would you’ve done, and don’t you tell me that you’d meet someone else. I don’t think you’d do that when your whole you tells you not to.

Regards:

Yeah yeah...

Once again you're doing this to me... I want to ignore it, but I cant... "/

Well, watching Underworld 2 and am trying to sleep...

Kiss 'n' goodbye<3

Location:Stallgatan,Nässjö,Sverige

Regards:

Today

At the moment I'm in the kitchen making me some sandwiches. Which btw just got finished in the microwave oven. So I'll eat now and continue to type this in a sec.

(eating sandwiches)

Done eating now... Laying in my bed with just one thing crossing my mind, the name of one specific person that I for some reason can't live without. She lightens my days and brings so much joy and happiness into my otherwise gray and dull life. In my eyes she's really a fallen angel, not just because I love her, because she's made me into a much greater and better person. I've gotten healthier, nicer and I put more guts into sorting my life out and the problems involved. I've even gotten more hygienic xD She's an angel, just accept it. And no matter what I'll love her until the day I stop breathing. There is something special about her that makes me feel that she's really the one for me. I can't explain it, but I can really feel it.
Well... Shouldn't type so much more, just a small poem or whatever you'd call it, and it's for my dear Emelie <3

I've never fallen this deep and hard,
Many times I've thought so,
But I realize those times has just been scratching the surface.
This pond, this lake, filled with chances,
Which there is only one I'd like to catch.
That chance is a girl, for which I've fallen this deep and hard.
I start to tremble by her beauty,
Those eyes in which I can see a future,
And in her, only her, I can see myself as a father,
The thing I've never thought I'd long for, but I now do.
And what is love if it isn't the possibility to see a bright and clear future with that person?
If that ain't love, then love ain't what I seek.

Regards:

The last days...

The last few days have been wonderful!
Don't know what I wrote last time and I can't check as my Internet is down ATM. And this will be posted as soon as I get to school tomorrow.

Anyhow, I got together with my dear Emelie again :D Best thing that has happened to me as I really do love her! So no more single life for me ;)

And during the Friday, I was at a private band party, which I'm glad that I visited. A guy in one of the bands wanted to hear my inhale scream and guess what, he friggin' liked it :D AWESOME !!!

Yesterday, Saturday, I spent with a few friends until my girl arrived :P Then spent the rest of the day with her :) Totally awesome ! And today, sunday, I've spent mostly with Emelie, but later on we met Ewwe and Case :) Had a nice time with them down at the lake :)

Now I've watched Ghost in the Shell, weird anime but kinda cool :)

Well, got to sleep now as I'm going up early, in about 8 hours.

Kisses to Emelie<3, Ewwe, Case, Speedy, Sandy, Bergarn, Becca, Bexx, Tobbe and those who think they deserve it ;)

Regards:

Today…

Was a really good day in school. The anxious feeling went away today. About first thing this morning was that Linus in my class, who was walking a bit in front of me from the train, stopped and started to talk to me :P And then when we came to class he, Timmy and the foreigner, whose name I’ve forgotten kept each other company most of the day :) Really nice dudes :) I even felt comfortable enough to talk in class with the whole class listening :O SURPRICE OR WHAT !? I think this could go really well :)

And after school I got company by two girls, don’t really remember their names (bad with names) and we talked a bit until the train got to Jönköping :P And you want to know one thing? I started to talk to one of them first :O I asked Josefin (I think it was her name) if she knew if there was any train going to Jönköping as I’d seen her on the train the same morning. And I found out that there was a train going that had me home about an hour earlier than I thought :D AWESOME !!!

And some news about this with Emelie… We had an argue earlier today but it’s been sorted out kinda. And at the moment we’re discussing how to make a second try. And to be honest, I think it could actually be a bit better than our first try… I honesty think so, so I really hope that there’ll be a second try. *a while later* Sorry for the interruption, but… I got a text from her with just a few words that got me crying… Tears of joy. She told me she missed to have me beside her, holding her… And if there is anything I want to do, that’s it ! I’m so happy right now that I could run outside and scream all I can… That happy !

I feel a good ending coming up on this story, this story of my life…!

Regards:

Good Night People !

Hello all you readers ;)

Feeling quite okey at the moment. Been texting with Emelie today, and it seems like it will all work out good. At least that's what I hope, but I won’t put my hopes up high. She’s a bit uncertain of how she is feeling I guess. And to be honest, I’m a bit uncertain of how to do if she want us to get back together. I’ve had a policy that I’d never get back with an ex, but for the third time in my life, I’m actually a bit prepared to do it. But I don’t know for sure yet. I mean, how could it ever get back to what we had? How could it ever be the same? Even thou I feel for her like I felt before, how can I be sure she doesn’t just want to get back together to avoid being alone, if that’s even possible with that look and personality, but anyway. I doubt it could be the same but I really want that back, the chemistry we had, the time we shared. It was something truly extraordinaire if you ask me. I think that I’ll be taking the risk of being hurt again just to make sure I won’t miss a chance to get that back. But we’ll see. We’re supposed to meet tomorrow and talk about it. Let’s see how that goes.

Began school yesterday, awesome! But I feel a bit nervous about the fact that I don’t know a soul there. And to be honest I’m actually beginning to think I have some social problem. If no one’s starting to talk with me, I can’t talk. I don’t dare to initiate a conversation if I’m all alone. I need my friends around… I hate that. I want to be able to take initiative, to make connections all by myself… That’s going to be the topic of the next session with my psychologist. Definitively! Oh, and you’re so welcome to call me a coward or anything like that, but I can’t do anything about it. I’ve been pushed away from so many people I’ve tried to connect with during the years that I’ve become afraid of taking the first step…

Stayed home today because of two reasons mainly, I overslept and I had to try to get some money for my bus card so I could get there AND home. Managed to borrow 200:- of my mother tonight. That’s good :)

Now I’m going to sleep so I can get up in the morning. About 6 hours left until I have to wake up.

Love and kisses to those who matter to me, I sure hope you do know who you are ! If you’re not, then here I’ll list most of you!
Ewwe, Speedy, Sandy, Natta, Becca, Bexx, Bergarn, Hassna, Emelie, Henke, Sabrina, Annelie, Jennifer (sis), Jessie (sis), and of course my mother :)

Regards:

Hello hello !

A few hours after the last post, Emelie dumped me. So now I’’m on the Swedish Meatmarket again (A) ;)

Since then I’ve been drinking, partying and drinking more ;)

At the moment I’m watching 3 of my mothers dogs, and Ewwe and Natta is here :) Ewwe is checking out some sites and I’m currently typing this :D Natta is sleeping in the sofa ;) Cute :D

Tonight I’ll probably watch a film with Natta and just chill. Ewwe is going home in a few hours :( Thats bad :(

Well, during this time, I’ve come to know a few nice people :) Sandra (Sandy in the bloglist to the right), Karro, Jonna, Luullie and Natta :) Well, I’ve knew who she was since a while back, but never really spoken with her, sadly, but that’s about to be made up for :D

Now I’ve got to be a little bit more social with Ewwe :) And I’m acctually longing for Natta to wake up (A) TeeHee :)
Oh, and Ewwe will probably do a guest appearence here soon (A)

Regards:

Regrets...

I totally regret the mistake I did today...
I wasn't angry or annoyed, I was sad, that's all. And now, even thou you tell me it's okey, I can't find anyway to make it up to you... I hope you know how sorry I am for making you believe that I was angry or annoyed... I don't even know how to become angry at you, just love you to god damn much <3 I hope you'll forgive me and allow me to make it up to you!
I really do love you, you know! <3<3<3

Regards:

Fuck this...

If I don't get a new medication soon I'll get crazier than I already am...
Can't stan this... I can feel the difference so clear. And I don't want to be like this.

I'm going to sleep now, and I'll sleep until I feel better...

Regards:

Jerk...

Sorry... I've been a total jerk to doubt that you love me... I'm really sorry honey<3
Just that that is one of the things that scare me the most, you leaving me... It would kill me inside-out...

I hope that you know my dear, that I want to spend the coming years with you, no one else... Just you ! And if I ever change my mind I promise to let you know, trust me on that one!

Love you Emelie, more than you could ever imagine <3

Regards:

Anata no naka ni, watashi o korosu ushinau

At the moment I wish I was someone totally different...
My mind and temper is messing me up, awfully much...

I doubt what I know and what I can do. I doubt in myself.
But I know that much of it is because all effects of my medication has whored off.
I'm back to the short-tempered, stupid and annoyed person which has a serious problem with trusting people. And even thou I know it's just because of it, I can't ignore it or anything...

Well, a doc is going to call me today and we'll discuss a new medication, probably Concerta or Ritalin.

Well fuck this now...

Honey... Anata no naka ni, watashi o korosu ushinau <3

Regards:

Not good...

Now I've spent almost 2 hours out in the rain... Thinking. Trying not to worry... But how can I not worry. You're not feeling good, not at all, and you don't want to tell me. Of course I worry. I love you.
Don't know what I should do, but at least I want to do something. Something to make you feel better. Told you you should have stayed here and not to go home, because if you would have stayed I would've hold you tight the whole night, telling you how much I love you an how much I care.

I hope you really do know that it doesn't matter what it's about, you still can talk to me, I'll listen, I'll always do.

Emelie Eng, I love you so much there is no way for me to describe it to you. I really do. There are things with you that I value more than anything, things with us. There are thoughts you've given me, and I'm so glad that someone has been able to give me those thought as I've never been able to imagine me do anything of it. Never thought I would either. But I really want to do these things with you, you, you and only you!

Regards:

Thoughts

This is scary. I'm not the guy that like cries or so, but thinking of how it would be if I lost Emelie somehow, that kills me. I can't imagine how I would spend my days and definitively how I would be able to sleep, since these 5 days she's been away have left me sleepless...

Now she lays here right beside me and I can relax, feels so good. If I hadn't had my weird ear and somehow regained energy I would've slept hours ago.
Time for a cigarette and something to drink, maybe a few TapTap's too (A)

Regards:

IzaacJ.co.cc

Okey, so a new site (link) is under development. Contents will be game guides, photos, programming stuff, webdesign stuff and much more. And everything is going to be free to use as long as you put me in the credits for whatever you're using it in/for. And that's quite fair don't you think?

The site is hosted at 0000free with the basic package. And it's quite good. The .co.cc domain is free so I really recommend it if you need a free domain and host. Only thing is that it can take up to 24 hours until all of it is active. But took less than 8 hours for mine :)

Links to the host and domain services are here:
0000Free: http://www.0000free.com/
.co.cc domain: http://www.co.cc/

Regards: