As I promised, here is my continuation of part 3… A few days late thou… But have been busy with a few things in my life.
Well, as I wrote in part 3, moving down here was both a good and a bad choice… And how it is, you’ll see here.
When I got down here I’d already have had a relationship with my former best friend, the first time we mistake it for love. Can’t say much about it as I’ve suppressed the few times I was down here before I fled down. But the second day, I had to go to Brinell and fill in an application, as I was about to start there, the day after I think it was. But anyhow. By that time I was in one of the most serious relationships I’ve ever had. We spent 1½ year together. She took my virginity. And I’m proud of having it until the age of 17. It’s an achievement, not a token of being an ass as most people think. I wanted to wait until I felt really sure about it, and I did with her. So, I gave it to her :) But during our relationship many things in my life went out of line, and I was very happy to have her and her family to rely on, as they helped me a lot with my father. Which by the way have been married to his wife for about 9 years now I think. And during these years, the only thing she’d done is gaining more and more repulsiveness in my eyes. If I were to name one person that I really could live without it would be her. Wouldn’t miss her a second. She threw me out of their house (after 10 months) and wished I would be dead. My father, what did he do? Well, he just stood behind her, saying nothing, doing nothing. Caring? No way in hell that is caring. And the threw-out was because I needed my father to fix my computer (as he didn’t let me do it myself, even thou I’m better than him in many areas) and he never took time to do that. And I needed it for school. But hey, they had their own studies to do so they didn’t gave a shit about mine. So after a few weeks/months (I don’t remember) of reminding him, she threw me out. Just like that. I spent three weeks living with my girlfriend and her family while they helped me to try to get an agreement with my father (only him, even if she was the one that was fucked up). It didn’t work. After that the social office gave me an apartment they had for those “bad youths” that couldn’t live home. I was handled as a criminal or junkie by the social office. In their eyes I was one of those that was fucked up. Because of that, I gained a reputation in Nässjö, I was a “badboy”. Drinking, fighting, taking drugs and I don’t know what. After a year in that apartment, with my contact coming every Monday to make sure I’d been at school, washed, dished and cleaned the apartment, without any “bad” weeks, I turned 18 and was given my first own apartment. Where? In Bodafors. A nice apartment, but a stupid place. Everyone in the building was certainly 75+ except the guy underneath me. And everyone complained about me. Well, I was an rather extreme goth at the time, so it came quite naturally, but after like 3 months I wasn’t allowed to even enter my apartment. I had to get my old contact to do the moving, but where? Well, first I had a stay with a friend of my father, but my stuffs were put in the basement that belonged to the social office. And after a while living with her I got to know that I could take a room in my mothers new house. She’d been moving down here when she heard that my fathers wife threw me out. And so I came to live with my family again. For a while. The social office gave me the key to an other apartment they had for these “bad youths”, and so my bad reputation grew stronger. But I only lived there for a few months. I found a nice apartment not far from my mothers new house. And I got it. The only thing I didn’t like with it, it was in Grimstorp. But at least I had my own place to be. I lived there for two years, without any complains, but now recently I’ve moved into Nässjö and is sharing a big apartment with my best friend.
During the time, I’ve messed up the relationship with my former best friend, I’ve messed up the relationship with one of the few I can talk to, and many times too. I’ve messed up the relationship with many of my friends. I had a rough time. Spent the most time in my mothers house during the last two years. As she was the only one that has been a constant in my life. She has always been there, and she always will. And some of the shorter relationships I’ve had during the time has had problems with accepting my strong feelings for her. And somehow I can understand a bit of it. I prioritized going to her than other things a normal kid in the 18/19/20 age would do. And it has messed up a few good relationships. But hopefully no more.
Even thou this is just like a summary of what has happened the past years, I feel that there is a lot that isn’t mentioned, as the fucked up principal who made me skip my last year in school, the threats of a former neighbors’ son, the death of my fathers parents, and the unfair treatment he has given me throughout these years. The 10 months living with them was nothing compared to what he’d done and still is doing to me. There is this struggle of getting the psychologists to do an AD/HD investigation that finally has been put in motion. My mother took me to a psychologist to get it done when I was about 3 or 4 years old. I’m turning 21 this summer. Quite some time it has taken. And I’ll probably be done with it during summer. So about 17 years to find out that I have it. As my father, my brother and my cousin has it, and we’ve always thought I have it.
Well, I see nothing but hope and a near perfect life in the future. I just have to put my energy into the right things and I’ll be there. Hopefully. And with people around me that understands me better than many of those around now. With a loyal and honest girl at my side to share everything with. That is what I seek and what I will have when my future is here. I’m sure of it. Trust me.
Goodnight <3
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